I want to let you know you will be okay.
I know that's the last thing you may want to hear right now. The break up left you with a pain in your heart that makes it hard to breath sometimes. No matter how hard you've been trying to move on and forget, it just seems impossible. There are moments when you're afraid you'll feel this way forever.
I know how you feel, really I do. It's only been a month and a half since my ex-fiance and I part ways. Every day since then has been heart breaking- until today.
I had been praying for something to take this pain away. I oscillated between that and also refusing to give up on the hope of being reunited with the love of my life. I felt torn. I felt crazy, miserable.
Feeling weary, I decided to give up. Let go. I didn't care anymore. I told myself I had to accept the way I felt. I couldn't help it after all. A numbness took over me the moment I succumbed to all the emotion within me.
I gazed outside of a window in a trance like state and my gaze fixated upon sunlight coming through the leaves. Something within me stirred, something different. I could hear birds singing, distant murmurs of people's voices and the cars on the road humming by softly. Snow was melting into luminescent droplets of crystalline water. I could almost hear the water droplets exploding into puddles. There was so much beauty around me I had forgotten. Once I returned to being present with myself my focus shifted away from the past and the pain.
The world is alive and it continues to live on, I thought. Yes, even without him. My world had color in it again. It is alive and well, I thought, and I am grateful to be participating in it in this very moment.
After weeks (that felt like years) of grief, sadness and bitterness over the person who I perceived to be "lost," I returned back to my senses. I had lost nothing. What really happened was that I had lost myself and the pain of that caused me to use the breakup as an excuse to make sense of it. All it took was a moment to be present and to appreciate things for just as they were. When you do this, you realize everything is complete, whole, perfect. Nothing is lost, you are everything you need right now. You are never alone.
I realized that the sense of losing someone is an illusion. The disconnection I felt was not because of my ex, it was because I had forgotten to connect with the Higher, God, The Universe, The Great I Am within me.
Alas those divine moments don't last forever. I am not completely over him yet. I still feel sad of course still, but in some odd way I am able to even appreciate the sadness now. It feels quite nice and empowering to be an appreciator of negative emotions. The breakup has made my soul level up. I feel wiser now. I feel more confident in myself to handle the inevitable waves of sadness to come over me again.
These negative emotions have taught me so much about myself, and for that I am grateful towards the breakup and the valuable lessons it brought to me. The sense of loss I felt within me only made more room for me to fill it up with the truest love of all- self love.
If you are dealing with heartbreak, I am here to remind you that ultimately this is gift. You will overcome this and once you do you will never be the same again. You will have become wiser, stronger and fine tuned yourself into what you truly desire. Believe in the process and the greater bliss you will experience once you've overcome the highest peak of this pain. I really do think the view will be so worth it once you and I are up there.